I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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