Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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