3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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