So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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