Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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