Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
