she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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