Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
