Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
