This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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