I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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