I was born with a shot glass in my hand
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
