what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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