Sry I called you an 8
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
