Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Life is so much better after having sex.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
