Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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