would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
