I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
