i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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