I think I am morally bankrupt
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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