Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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