Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
