3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
