and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
