it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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