Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
