I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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