season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Who died my cat blue again?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
