How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
