Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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