Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
