I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
