i barfeds in our rink
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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