Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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