i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
