i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
