If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
