so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
