My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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