Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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