i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
