I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
try to milk me bitch
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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