no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
