I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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