I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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