yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
