I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
