Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
