I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
