Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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