how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
