I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
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You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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