ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
